New yobby yob

Figured I’d make an official message – I’m going to be starting a new job on Monday in NYC. I’ll actually be travelling to Manhattan every night this week, so feel free to call me if you get bored, since I have about a million hour train ride.

So, onto other things. For whatever reason, I received a message from George Bush – get this – asking me for fucking money. I was torn between rabid laughter and sheer anger at being on some Republican mailing list. Inside the letter was a picture of George and Laura Bush, posing in front of the White House.

Let me tell you something about satisfaction. There is nothing…nothing…more satisfying than taking a picture of someone you hate, putting it on the ground, and taking a piss on the photo. It was one of the most satisfying leaks of my entire life, even rivalling that of the infamous 9,000,000 hour car drive where my bladder almost burst, a la Tycho Brahe. Justin, Sunny, Rob, Sean, and Annie all visited this weekend and, while the women could not participate, they were there with us in spirit.

If you come over now, you can see the remenants of the decaying photo of our president, still soaked with man-urine. I’ve been training the dog to go to the bathroom on it and everything, but it’s been hard – not even my dog wants to get his shit near Bush.

I’m going to mail this picture back to the Republican Convention of Fuck You or whatever, with the following note:

Dear ‘Publicans,

I very much appreciated your thoughtful photo of Laura and George Bush; it’s going right on the refrigerator with the pictures of the 4 mutilated marines and the horrified and liberated Iraqis, a brave testament to how wondrous and important war is. I wanted to put a picture of George up in his National Guard uniform, but I have been unable to find one – if you can dig one out, can you send it to me?

I find it heartening that, in this time of financial turmoil, that the president is in need of money too. Sadly, however, I lost most of my money to your friends at Enron (and what I didn’t lose I apparently paid to them in taxes), and times are pretty tough what with me losing my job to the outsourcing that you support.

I sure do hope that GW is able to keep those fags from being happy – that’ll definitely brighten my day.

At any rate, I’m sorry I can’t give any more of my money to your wealthy candidate, just like I’m sure he’s sorry that he got to go to Yale and I didn’t, even though I was class valedictorian. To make up for it, I wrote you a special message on the back of the enclosed picture.

Very Sincerely Yours,
[Name Redacted]

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