Dear Farmer AssMonkey,
When you made modifications to this 200+ year old house, I’m sure you did these things with a mind towards pecuniary thriftness, so you could spend your hard earned cash on more overalls or that freaking assinine weight and pulley system you have in the barn. But whatever possessed you not to put shutoff valves on the various and sundry radiators in this house? Let’s give a hypothetical situation – let’s say that there’s this guy, and he’s home alone with a dog who has a brain the size of a kumquat, and that he has worked a nice long day and had a two hour ride home, and he wants to watch some Angel: Season One, and then there’s this gushing sound and suddenly there’s water everywhere because a FUCKING PIPE HAS BROKEN AND IT’S NOT EVEN WINTER. Now let’s say that this poor asshole guy has to run around like a jackhole and finally turn the water off TO THE ENTIRE HOUSE because you didn’t have enough foresight or enough money to put two little fucking valves on the pipes that lead to the radiator. Wouldn’t that hypothetically suck?
So plese, Farmer Fuckmouth, if you could just go ahead and spend a little bit of extra money next time around, that would be really great.
PS Don’t call me.