I think that the traffic in New Jersey is the worst in the whole fucking world, bar none. I would rather be riding a burro through the streets of a bombed out Rihad then continue to commute on the Garden State Parkway one more second.

Door to door, my commute is supposed to be 36.34 miles. Of those, I spend 17.34 miles on the Garden State Parkway. Today it took me 105 minutes total to get to work, of which 70 of those minutes were spent on the Garden State Parkway, for an average of 14.86 miles per hour. I’m planning on petitioning the governor to change the name from the Garden State Parkway to Garden State Road.

I went online to find some place to complain, and I came across this site. It was at this point that I lost my mind. They even have a membership section. Sorry, assholes, I’m already a fucking member – you know, BECAUSE I SPEND HALF MY LIFE ON YOUR GODDAMN ROADS!

I can’t wait to not pay taxes in New Jersey. I can’t wait to not pay for “construction” on roads that are always congested, cops that are always assholes, and “environmental regulation” for the industrial waste dumps off of exit 13. It’s going to be so sweet; I’m planning on eating nothing but roughage for the last week that I’m here, and saving it all up for one final, ground-breaking poop that I’m going to leave on the border.

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