Wanted: Dead or Alive

Hello everyone. I want to take some time to talk about something that’s very dear and important to me – namely, why That Bastard Sean McIntosh won’t give me any more love. There was a time he would email me or call me every now and then; now, he doesn’t do any of this. I had a birthday party and he totally dissed me, and I spent the night crying myself to sleep with my face stuffed into my pillow and my woobie clutched to my chest. Has anyone talked to him? Does he hate me? I don’t remember doing anything to him; I remembered his birthday, visited him every now and again, even bought a few rounds of beers.

It all started when he came to New Jersey last. He hung out with me one night, and promised me he’d hang out that weekend, but then he totally abadoned me and returned to Connecticut. I haven’t seen him since, except at Epic, and he was attacking me with a sword and we didn’t get to bond. I think I even spied a disdainful look, but it was dark out.

If anyone out there talks to Sean McIntosh, please let him know that I think he’s a gigantic poopie-head and that I don’t ever want to talk to him ever again, except if he wants to call me, and that he’s NOT invited to my next party which is going to be at a place so great I don’t even want to name it. Chuck-E-Cheese.

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