So, here’s the promised update on the whole LV trip.

First, I’d have to give the trip a 6 out of 10, but I don’t blame Las Vegas on the whole thing. I wanted to hang out with A-dawg while I was there, but she had to work most of the time, so I didn’t really get to see her as much as I would have liked. It was 110 degrees outside (but it was a dry heat) which made walking anywhere akin to the Bataan Death March, but with less water and more hookers. I walked around a lot and saw the sites, which are all very far away from each other. Here’s some other stuff I did:

1) I saw Pirates of the Carribean, which I thought kicked ass. I saw the last James Bond movie, which sucked in a pleasantly familiar way, like getting kicked in the balls for the eighteenth time. And I saw Bulletproof Monk; this would be the last thing I saw on earth, since I gouged out my eyes with my own thumbs rather than be subjected to anything that horrid again.

2) I saw dolphins. More importantly, I saw a dolphin take a poop in his tank and it got me thinking about swimming in the ocean.

3) I saw lions. They’re big. I kind of wanted to see one flip out and kill his trainer, but they just slept a lot.

4) I played cards. And I fucking WON!! Yeah, bitches!! I won something for once in my whole goddamn life! So everyone who ever doubted me *EVER* can go to Hell!!!!

5) I played the slots and I lost. Figures.

6) I ate at buffets a lot.

7) I popped and locked through the lobby of Bally’s

8) I ate dinner at a fancy restaraunt. When the bill came, I pretended to have a heart attack, but I accidentally fell headfirst through the table and caused what my wife termed a “scene” and I termed a “moment”

9) I noticed that there are many people who wear shorts

10) I noticed that there are many people who wear shorts, but shouldn’t

11) Las Vegas makes a lot of money. So much money that they wanted to be a family place, but then changed their mind and went back to whores and drinking. For evidence of this, let’s look at Treasure Island. For years, there was a Pirate Attack outside, with ships and stuff. Good for the kiddies. Now, there’s a strip show. Huzzah for progress!

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