It’s a sad day for us all. Great and noble men Lester Maddox and Strom Thurmond are dead. Deader than doornails. In their honor, I’ve composed a short quiz – the answers are either Lester or Strom.

~ I was elected governor of Georgia in 1966 with the support of the KKK.

~ I was the originator of the 1956 Southern Manifesto against the Supreme Court desegregation ruling. In it I stated that desegregation “…is destroying the amicable relations between the white and Negro races that have been created through 90 years of patient effort by the good people of both races. It has planted hatred and suspicion where there has been heretofore friendship and understanding.” No one laughed.

~ In 1964, I refused to serve three black customers in my shitty restaraunt (the Pickwick). I chased them out with a brandished gun and incited my customers to use violence against those crazy pickaninnys. When I was ordered to desegregate, I closed my restaraunt.

~ I presided over the impeachment hearings against Bill Clinton despite my long history of sexist and misogynist behavior.

~ I apparently am leaving “behind a legacy of flamboyancy, controversy and Good Book honesty,” provided the Good Book doesn’t have black people in it.

~ When Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, the flags at the Capitol were flown at half mast. Furious at this, I demanded that the Secretary of State raise the flags despite the declaration by President Johnson.

~ I am well known for the longest filibuster in history (over 24 hours). What isn’t known is that I was filibustering against the passage of the Civil Rights Act.

~ I was so terrified of rioting after the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. that I placed armed guards at the doors of the Capitol, informing them that “if they [black people] should go so far as to break through the locked doors, then start shooting and don’t stop until they [black people] are stacked so high above the threshold the followers would be unable to climb over them.”

~ When I ran for president in 1948, I ran on the ‘States Rights’ campaign under the slogan ‘Segregation Forever’

~ When I was a circuit court judge in 1941, I presided over the trial of a seventeen year old black farmer by the name of Samuel Osbourne. When Samuel’s white employer threatened him with a .32 caliber pistol and club, Samuel shot and killed him with a shotgun he kept under his bed. Despite a Supreme Court mandate, I put Samuel in front of an all-white jury and sentenced him to death.

So, goodbye and Godspeed, Strom and Lester! Here’s hoping that God is a Gay Black Woman!

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