The Fall of Western Civilization – Part I

I have a feeling this is going to be a multi-part series.

1) Funkmaster Flex has himself a new shoe: the FMF-1 Driving Shoe (pictured here). According to the article, the shoe has a “sleek, lowered and tricked out TPR suspension system” and a “forefoot spec-o racing profile with Euro spec disc heel profile [featuring] an Xtra-sticky Lugz ZCS formula compound for maximum traction on all kinds of surfaces.” It is also a “big piece of shit” looking like “ugly work boots.”

Apparently, lines were around the block on Jan.30th in New York for first crack at these marvels. I think this is tremendous; I actually giggled with joy when I read that. To paraphrase Tyler Durden, “Madison Avenue has us doing jobs we hate to buy shit we don’t need.” $70 driving shoes? For piloting around your tricked out ’93 Celica you got from your aunt? That’s truly brilliant right there; I doubt that you could pull that shit off in any other nation. It got me wondering idly about the marriage of propaganda and marketing, but I reeled away from the vertiginous intellectual implications before they consumed me.

2) Not having TV means I’ve missed this show. It’s already in season 2; I guess season 1 was a big hit. The concerns of 18-21 year olds have to be the goddamn funniest things in the entire universe. There was some big fight about this pledge being a “legacy” and thinking she was just going to get in to Ima Fatta Bitch, and the other sorority sisters got all sniffy about it, setting the stage for future drama. I envisioned the future, these stupid white girls playing out petty motions in their sons’ and daughters’ PTA, like a modern court of Louis XIV. So gorgeously Machiavellian.

I miss television for little bits of joy like this; it’s my portal to the fall of civilization.

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