The holidays are more or less over. I have glutted myself on just about everything glut-full, and have enjoyed doing it. New Year’s Eve is lurking like a spectre of joy over my days, and I’m just more or less “kicking it” until I can begin my New Year’s Resolution and whatever it might entail.

The Xmas lewt was superb this year, as is its wont. I won’t go into detail of what I received; suffice it to say that you would gnaw your own heart out in jealously at my wondrous bounty this festive season. I tried to get a picture of (but it didn’t turn out) the best Xmas gift I will ever give out. Ever.

You need a background story for this.

We were in Hallmark, shopping for something, when Anastasia pointed sniggeringly to a display where these little tiny snowman ornaments were. These ornaments were more or less unremarkable, save for the fact that they had people’s names on the bottom. I’m sure you’ve seen these displays; they are keychains or coffee cups or coasters with “Carl” or “Tim” or “Joey” emblazoned on them in some looping cursive script. I haven’t looked at these types of things for years, because how many times are you going to find a “Stefan” ? (I think I did once in Germany). Anyway, Anastasia is pointing and laughing and I look at the name on the snowman.


Genius, I thought. A snowman that says “Dick?” Outrageous! Fantastic! I bought the lot, and a lucky few will be receiving these insult hurling snowpeople with their presents this year. It got me thinking, too, of all the other great stuff must be out there with DICK written on it. Novelty license plates. Small statuettes of cutesy children. Maybe even bumper stickers! (Dick’s Car)!

I have a new hobby.

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